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Question: How do I create a better relationship? Answer: So you want a good relationship, huh? You want your girl to like sex more? You want her to understand you better? Or perhaps one of the 1000 other little items that bug guys in relationships? Well, if you want a better relationship - here is the first rule. Relationships are created and take continual active work to improve them. A relationship either gets better or worse, there is no static state in relationships - they either get better or worse. If you create them, they get better. If you stop creating them, they get worse. It's that simple. And it applies to ALL relationships- work, girlfriend, kids, buddies. Now my observation is that MOST women already know this and MOST men either DON'T know it, or if they do, they don't practice it. So then exactly WHAT are we talking about when we talk about RELATIONSHIPS and CREATE? Well, first of all, let's make a distinction between casual social relationships and working productive relationships. Webster tells us that a relationship is: The state of being mutually or reciprocally interested (as in social or commercial matters). However, it is not a very good definition, because you still have a relationship with that "boss" at work who you don't like and are definitely NOT interested in and they are not interested in you, or that teacher at school who is NOT interested in you in the least or you him. "A relationship exists with anyone that you co-act with towards a specific goal." If that "goal" is social, then of course anyone you hang with to have fun or entertainment or whatever with- you are relating to. If that "goal" is business, then anyone you are co-acting with to get a paycheck or to make money, or whatever you do, is in a relationship with you. And of course that "teacher" you aren't the least bit interested in and who likewise is not interested in you is co-acting with you towards giving you a grade for the course - which is both your purpose and his. So this is a little better working definition for our purposes. If you are not working with someone towards some purpose - be it social (talking, having fun),  familial (co-mingling, finances, sexual fun, raising children) or business (getting paid for the work you do or products or services that you produce) you are NOT in a relationship with that person. So when you first meet a girl and are attracted to her, you are trying to establish a relationship, whether it is just for a fling (sexual fun), ongoing  friendship only (companionship and sexual fun) or something more serious - like all of the above plus living together and sharing finances and raising children together. You are hoping she will be attracted to you too, and then that will lead to hanging out fun and in most cases what you really want and need from a woman - sexual fun. And if this happens, you have a sexual relationship. So what is CREATING a relationship? CREATING a relationship is doing those things which increase attraction (both physical and mental/spiritual), communication, understanding, mutual survival, agreements between you, and the number and or quality of the products you produce together. When you are NOT creating a relationship the attraction decreases (physical and/or mental/spiritual), the communication worsens, the understanding and mutual survival lessens, the agreements between you lessen and/or are broken, and the number and quality of products you produce together go down. SO Let's translate this into actions you can do. Well, you probably already know how to CREATE a relationship. Most guys do it when they are romancing the girl to get her. They bring her flowers, open the door for her, assure her she looks nice (when she is worried about it), listen to her gossip even though it bores them out of their mind. They go to the mall with her when they really hate shopping. They go to chick movies with her now and again. GET IT GUYS - you know what I am talking about - CREATING is ALL those things you do to GET THE GIRL! (And I don't just mean traditional things like above. If you do non-traditional things to attract a women, like I outline in "How To Meet Women In Bars and Clubs"  http://datingtorelating.com/meet_women_bars_and_clubs___article , then those are the things you must do to keep attracting her. ) Now the problem is most guys do all kinds of things they DON'T like just to get the girl, then after they get her and feel comfortable in their position - THEY STOP doing all those things that they don't like. PROBLEM IS GUYS, that is the death toll for the relationship. WHATEVER you did to GET THE GIRL you have to do MORE OF IT, more frequently, and in new and better ways to CREATE the relationship and KEEP her. So, if you went dancing with the girl once a week when you were courting her (and she loved it) continue to go dancing with her once a week when you are married, even when you have children - hire a babysitter. Romance your wife. But you may need to vary it - dance with her after a romantic dinner at home. Take her to new and exciting dance places. Take dance lessons with her. Get the idea. There are probably dozens of little things (or big things) like this you did to get her. CONTINUE to do them. Do them better. Find new ways of doing them. And find new ways to attract her. You are going to have to do this continuously, and if you want to keep her for the rest of your life, then you are going to have to do this for the rest of your life. WOMEN are easy to attract and seduce with CREATE. But if you chose to attract and seduce a women with create, you have to continue to seduce her with create as long as you want that relationship to continue. ATTRACTION is a physical energy flow. It is not something that someone has forever - just because they were attracted to you on one or several occasions, or even long periods of time. ATTRACTION has to be continuously created. To put it simply, Whatever you did to ATTRACT the girl in the first place (including seemingly negative things like being aloof and "hard to get" if that is what you did), you have to continue to do that to CREATE a relationship. If you continuously attract the girl you are in a relationship with, the relationship will grow, get closer, be more fun and more productive. And oh yeah, she'll want sex just as much as you do (if not more). Now this is a simple description of the process. This simple explanation will help some of you, but others will need a lot more details and examples to handle complex situations. There is a lot more I can tell you about this subject but it would take pages and pages and pages. In "Dating To Relating" the book I go into much more detail on "attraction" and "how to create attraction," "how to create a relationship," "romance," "seduction," and what to do if you are in a relationship with someone you didn't qualify properly and perhaps is the wrong person for you. I give specific examples and techniques.
Question: How do I attract women in bars and clubs? As I've said before, when I was a young , I worked the bar scene every day for six months straight. I made lots of observations for months. This eventually led to my being very successful picking up women in clubs. One of those observations was about those regular girls who visited the club. I use to call them GRADIENT GIRLS. I called them that because after a lot of observations I noticed there was a gradient scale of sexual reach or interest. Here it is: First there is negative sexual talk --This is talking about not having sex, or not wanting to have sex, or talking about someone else who is into sex as creepy, disgusting, or characterizing them in some other negative way, etc. This is the lowest form of sexual interest someone can show you. Because they still ARE talking about sex. And they are talking about it with YOU. People who really aren't interested in sex or you don't bring it up at all, and really don't get "into it" if you bring it up. I learned about this one day, when I was driving a fellow student home from college. She invited me up to her apartment, but quickly informed me that I couldn't have sex with her. Since, I had shown her no sexual interest, and since I really wasn't interested, I found this rather odd. A few weeks later she seduced me. She got me to have sex with her when I didn't want to and wasn't really attracted to her. This is when I put it all together. She was attracted to me from the very beginning. And her negative comment about "not having sex" was the level at which she began her sexual flirting. Then positive sexual talk. then Eye Contact, then slight brief touching, then extended touching, then kissing, petting, heavy petting, intercourse. Now most people think sexual interest starts with positive sexual talk, but it doesn't. And the funny thing about this gradient scale is that you have to match the level the other person is at or you can lose a prospect very quickly. So if a girl is into flirting at "negative sexual talk" and you try to come on to her with "positive sexual talk" you will lose her. Now most of your regular girls hanging out in clubs, whether with or without girlfriends, have a negative view towards guys. They think guys who are there just want sex, etc. And they are probably right. So the way I would come on to a regular girl in a club, was simple. I would stand next to her (similar to the Tease Girl above) and wait for some guy to hit on some girls in a stupid way that confirms what most girls thinks about guys. I would then make a comment about how stupid that was, etc. sort of out loud to myself or whomever was around (sort of like I did with the Tease Girl) ending by looking at her in disbelief. She would then chime in very quickly about how stupid it was, and from there I would lead the conversation into a negative "sex talk" about how I hated clubs, hated all the games and meat market stuff that goes on, etc. This would usually go on for about 15-30 minutes and then she would invariably say the magic words: "But you are different" to which I would reply, "Yeah, you are different too." From there it could go in many directions depending on the girls. We might dance, or continue in an engaging conversation, but now the conversation was into positive sexual talk, from there we would start with the little touches, etc. and eventually it would lead to making out, petting, heavy petting, kissing, etc. Now none of these techniques I've discussed in this three part series of articles, are DeAngelo's "Cocky and Funny" or any such, and by the way, Cocky and Funny does work on a small band of girls in the club (and in life) too. I would label them the Boredom girls. But here is the principal behind Cocky and Funny and the Love Girl, Tease Girl and Regular Girl techniques. The principal is to be "Interesting and Unique." You see the guy who has the balls to walk up to and confront the horny "Love Girl" is interesting and unique to her because most guys are too scared to do it. But he is definitely Not Cocky and Funny. He only has to open his mouth and confidently ask her to dance. The guy who tells the "Tease Girl" she's not that hot, but has a good personality is interesting and unique to her, because ALL guys reach at these girls and tell them how beautiful they are. The guy who can dish out negative sex talk to a "Regular Girl" is interesting and unique to her because she never finds guys like this in the club. And of course the Boredom Girls, who get guy after guy after guy hitting on them and kissing their butt find "Cocky and Funny" totally interesting and Unique. Boredom girls are a kind of a random, casual and pointless-talk band of girl, and Cocky and Funny is random and pointless talk. The other techniques are more directed. There are other types of girls too, and combination of types. I go over those in some of my other writings and articles. Some techniques are Quick and Easy and some techniques are pure seduction and can take a very long time. But none-the-less they are still pickup techniques. Mr. L. Rx NOTE: If you would like more in depth and organized information on how to meet, attract, and have a relationship with women consider the book How I Got 700 Dates In One Year, Dating To Relating – From A To Z, or any of the other books by Mr. L. Rx. Now what do I mean by manage? Well Webster give us a workable definition "to exercise executive, administrative, and supervisory direction of" To put it in a way you might understand better. To mange something is to direct it so that you achieve your purpose. So if our purpose is to "Create a Better Relationship", how do we manage our activities so that we achieve our purpose. Well, the best way to mange anything and to control the direction towards a purpose is by a combination of observing the statistics of the activity and planning off of that. So the question is what is the most important statistic for a guy to watch and monitor with respect to relationships. WRITE THIS DOWN, because you are not going to get it from any of the other Dating Guru's. The statistic you want to monitor is MOTION. Specifically MOTION TOWARD and MOTION AWAY. You won't believe how important the observation of this statistic is until you start doing it. It will change your life. It is not only involved in men/women relationships, it is involved in any relationship you can think of (for example, I use it extensively in sales). Now, when it comes to women, you should be watching MOTION from day one. I discovered the importance of this when I was 25 and doing the bar scene nightly, I was very shy and just stood there for about 2 months looking at people and talking to no one. After a while, I began to watch the MOTION involved in interactions rather than the content (what people say) of interactions. That is when I became suddenly successful. I recommend that if you haven't already read my three articles on the bar scene that you do so now: Would You Like To Know How To Pick Up Women In Bars And Clubs? ( http://datingtorelating.com/pick_up_women_bars_and_clubs___article) How To Meet Women In Bars and Clubs. ( http://datingtorelating.com/meet_women_bars_and_clubs___article) Do You Want To Know How To Attract Women In Bars and Clubs? ( http://datingtorelating.com/attract_women_bars_and_clubs___article ) These are excellent studies in situational techniques derived from observing motion and I will refer to them below. Now what most guys do in the bar scene is some arbitrary motion pattern they learned from some GURU without observing the motion at hand, or they do their own arbitrary motion pattern. The arbitrary pattern will work a percentage of times, so most guys, if they hit up on enough girls with any kind of motion, will eventually find someone it works on. But what makes observational technique and strategies superior is that you are not doing some arbitrary. You are doing the exact thing that works and you win 100 percent of the time across ALL Motion patterns, and ALL personality types. There are only three basic motions a person can do with respect to you. 1) Move toward you, 2) move away from you, and 3) stay in the same place with respect to you (no motion). Now when I talk about motion here with respect to a man/woman relationship, I am talking about motion towards you in many ways, like: 1) physically (a woman moves closer to you, touches you, etc.) 2) mentally (agreement would be a motion toward, disagreement a motion away) 3) emotionally (liking you and feeling comfortable would be a motion toward and disliking you, feeling uncomfortable with you would be a motion away) 4) communicatively (wanting to talk to you would be a motion toward, not wanting to talk to you would be a motion away). Then there are different channels of communication. A girl could lean into you very sexily, touch you lightly, and tell you what a bastard prick you are. If you only pay attention to the content, you could be blown away. If you only pay attention to the touch, she could blow you away. But if you pay attention to the complex communications and all the motion vectors involved, you would know what to do. Now these three basic motions combined with different channels of communication can get very complex as not only are there different channels of communication but there are motions within motions. Now in my book "Dating to Relating" I teach you all about advanced and complex motions, but for the sake of this essay if you just start observing the basic motions you will be way ahead of most guys. So let's get back to relationships. If you are in a relationship, the girl is either moving TOWARD you - physically, emotionally, mentally, and communicatively,or she is staying in the same place with respect to you, or she is moving AWAY. THESE ARE YOUR STATISTICS that you use to mange your relationship. You watch and observe what is she doing and the direction of her motion. If she wants LESS sex, she is moving away. If she doesn't talk to you as much, she is moving away. If she is getting bored with you, when she use to be enthralled she is moving away. If she wants "to talk" about things (guys hate this) she is starting to move away, but she is simultaneously moving toward you (wanting to communicate about it.) Now what do you do about it? REAL SIMPLE - observe what makes her move toward you, CREATE more of that. Observe what makes her move away from you and STOP doing that. Now if you just do those two simple actions on a daily basis you can make any relationship better and continue to grow and you can repair a relationship that has gone astray. OBSERVATION, however, is not always as easy as it sounds. I have a friend who I have been telling all this stuff to for years, and he still hasn't developed the ability to observe. One night we went to a restaurant together, and I flirted with the waitress lightly. I said something like, "You have pretty eyes." As soon as I said that, she leaned back a little, away from me, and I knew immediately she probably had a boyfriend or something. Her motion was telling me I would have to approach her on a much lower gradient if I was interested in continuing. Well my friend didn't get it. He thought it was a great lead in for him to hit up on her and started saying all kinds of stuff to her. She began getting quite uncomfortable with us, and I finally had to kick my friend under the table to get him to stop. When she left, I asked him, "Didn't you see her lean away from me when I said that?" Well he admitted he did SEE it, but he didn't OBSERVE it or know what it meant. So he jumped in at the wrong gradient. I got him to stop and I made the girl relax when she came back by saying, "Don't take us seriously, we flirt with ALL the girls." She laughed and then totally relaxed with us. The point of this story being that some guys SEE motion, but DON'T observe it or interpret it correctly. If that is you, just KEEP practicing until you get it right. The only other thing you will have to take into account in all this, is your personal integrity. Sometime when you start to really observe people and seeing what makes them move toward you, or away from you, you get into a conflict of values, interests, opinions, etc. You may find yourself in a position that you don't want to do the things that work and make her move toward you, and she doesn't want to do the things that you would like to do to make her move toward you. When you find yourself in that position, you are perhaps in the wrong relationship for you and you guys should sit down and really discuss your values and where each of you want to go with your lives and your relationship to see if it is worth continuing. So now you have two very big basics: You have to continually create a relationship for it to continue to get better. And you have to observe if what you are creating is making the girl move towards you or away from you. Do only those things that make her move towards you. If you do this correctly your girl will fall deeper and deeper in love with you as time passes. Sex will get better and better, and you will fall deeper and deeper in love with her. (Provided you got the right girl to begin with!)

Category:

Question: How do I create a better relationship?

Answer: So you want a good relationship, huh? You want your girl to like sex more? You want her to understand you better? Or perhaps one of the 1000 other little items that bug guys in relationships?

Well, if you want a better relationship – here is the first rule.

Relationships are created and take continual active work to improve them. A relationship either gets better or worse, there is no static state in relationships – they either get better or worse.

If you create them, they get better. If you stop creating them, they get worse. It’s that simple. And it applies to ALL relationships- work, girlfriend, kids, buddies.

Now my observation is that MOST women already know this and MOST men either DON’T know it, or if they do, they don’t practice it.

So then exactly WHAT are we talking about when we talk about RELATIONSHIPS and CREATE?

Well, first of all, let’s make a distinction between casual social relationships and working productive relationships.

Webster tells us that a relationship is: The state of being mutually or reciprocally interested (as in social or commercial matters).

However, it is not a very good definition, because you still have a relationship with that “boss” at work who you don’t like and are definitely NOT interested in and they are not interested in you, or that teacher at school who is NOT interested in you in the least or you him.

“A relationship exists with anyone that you co-act with towards a specific goal.”

If that “goal” is social, then of course anyone you hang with to have fun or entertainment or whatever with- you are relating to.

If that “goal” is business, then anyone you are co-acting with to get a paycheck or to make money, or whatever you do, is in a relationship with you. And of course that “teacher” you aren’t the least bit interested in and who likewise is not interested in you is co-acting with you towards giving you a grade for the course – which is both your purpose and his.

So this is a little better working definition for our purposes. If you are not working with someone towards some purpose – be it social (talking, having fun),  familial (co-mingling, finances, sexual fun, raising children) or business (getting paid for the work you do or products or services that you produce) you are NOT in a relationship with that person.

So when you first meet a girl and are attracted to her, you are trying to establish a relationship, whether it is just for a fling (sexual fun), ongoing  friendship only (companionship and sexual fun) or something more serious – like all of the above plus living together and sharing finances and raising children together.

You are hoping she will be attracted to you too, and then that will lead to hanging out fun and in most cases what you really want and need from a woman – sexual fun. And if this happens, you have a sexual relationship.

So what is CREATING a relationship? CREATING a relationship is doing those things which increase attraction (both physical and mental/spiritual), communication, understanding, mutual survival, agreements between you, and the number and or quality of the products you produce together.

When you are NOT creating a relationship the attraction decreases (physical and/or mental/spiritual), the communication worsens, the understanding and mutual survival lessens, the agreements between you lessen and/or are broken, and the number and quality of products you produce together go down.

SO Let’s translate this into actions you can do.

Well, you probably already know how to CREATE a relationship. Most guys do it when they are romancing the girl to get her. They bring her flowers, open the door for her, assure her she looks nice (when she is worried about it), listen to her gossip even though it bores them out of their mind. They go to the mall with her when they really hate shopping. They go to chick movies with her now and again. GET IT GUYS – you know what I am talking about – CREATING is ALL those things you do to GET THE GIRL!

(And I don’t just mean traditional things like above. If you do non-traditional things to attract a women, like I outline in

“How To Meet Women In Bars and Clubs”  http://datingtorelating.com/meet_women_bars_and_clubs___article , then those are the things you must do to keep attracting her. )

Now the problem is most guys do all kinds of things they DON’T like just to get the girl, then after they get her and feel comfortable in their position – THEY STOP doing all those things that they don’t like.

PROBLEM IS GUYS, that is the death toll for the relationship.

WHATEVER you did to GET THE GIRL you have to do MORE OF IT, more frequently, and in new and better ways to CREATE the relationship and KEEP her.

So, if you went dancing with the girl once a week when you were courting her (and she loved it) continue to go dancing with her once a week when you are married, even when you have children – hire a babysitter. Romance your wife. But you may need to vary it – dance with her after a romantic dinner at home. Take her to new and exciting dance places. Take dance lessons with her. Get the idea.

There are probably dozens of little things (or big things) like this you did to get her. CONTINUE to do them. Do them better. Find new ways of doing them. And find new ways to attract her. You are going to have to do this continuously, and if you want to keep her for the rest of your life, then you are going to have to do this for the rest of your life.

WOMEN are easy to attract and seduce with CREATE. But if you chose to attract and seduce a women with create, you have to continue to seduce her with create as long as you want that relationship to continue.

ATTRACTION is a physical energy flow. It is not something that someone has forever – just because they were attracted to you on one or several occasions, or even long periods of time. ATTRACTION has to be continuously created. To put it simply, Whatever you did to ATTRACT the girl in the first place (including seemingly negative things like being aloof and “hard to get” if that is what you did), you have to continue to do that to CREATE a relationship. If you continuously attract the girl you are in a relationship with, the relationship will grow, get closer, be more fun and more productive. And oh yeah, she’ll want sex just as much as you do (if not more).

Now this is a simple description of the process. This simple explanation will help some of you, but others will need a lot more details and examples to handle complex situations. There is a lot more I can tell you about this subject but it would take pages and pages and pages.

In “Dating To Relating” the book I go into much more detail on “attraction” and “how to create attraction,” “how to create a relationship,” “romance,” “seduction,” and what to do if you are in a relationship with someone you didn’t qualify properly and perhaps is the wrong person for you.

I give specific examples and techniques.

NOTE: If you would like more in depth and organized information on how to meet, attract, and have a relationship with women consider the book How I Got 700 Dates In One Year, Dating To Relating – From A To Z, or any of the other books by Mr. L. Rx.

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  • BOOK OUTLINE OF CONTENTS Introduction - 5 Foreword - 8 1) DATING - How dating Guru's strategies go wrong. - 9 2) Different men like different women. Different women require different strategies. - 10 a) My Credentials - 12 b) Relationships - The problem with Dating Gurus - 16 c) Examples of strategies and how different personalities can require completely opposite strategies - 20 3) Two basic problems -  25 a) What guys do wrong - 25 b) What people do wrong - 31 c) Shortcut Personality Theory - "Feet Angles" and Personality Types - 32 4) The Basic Solution - OBSERVATION - How to Develop strategies - 41 a) Perception channels - 41 b) Motion Toward - Motion away - 46  i) Purposes in observing Motion - 48 ii) Scale of Sexual Motion - 51 iii) Adjusting as you interact - 51 EXAMPLE 1- 52 iv) Set Patterns of Motion - 54 EXAMPLE 2 - 57 c) Gradients - 62 5) Objectives - 65 a) Get Experience - Multiple or "Serial" dating - 65 b) Sane Dating principles build sane Relationships - 67 c) Sane Dating principles can be applied to existing Relationships - 73 d) Prospecting and Qualifying- is she the girl you are looking for - 78 6) Turning "meeting" into dating relationships. - 82 a)      Creating "Future" - 82 b)      Meeting women walking down the street.- 87 c)   Meeting Women In Stores, Restaurants, Malls, etc.- 92 d)   Meeting Women Who Work In Malls, Restaurants, Stores, etc. - 97 e)      How and Where to meet women. - 100 7) Turning Dating into Relationships - 103 a) How to get a second date. - 103 b) How To Turn The second, Third and Fourth dates into a Girlfriend - 107 8) Relationships - The Different Types of Sexual Relationships 112 9) How to Create a Better Relationship - 118 a) How To Manage "Creating A Better Relationship" -123 b) Creating A Relationship - The different Types of Create and Gradients -128 c) Your Love Interest as Your Teammate - 137 10) Seduction - 142 a) The Art of Seduction - A Classic Example - 142 b) Seduction - Short and Long Term Techniques - 145 c) Seduction Qualities On A First Meeting or Date - 151 11) Alternative Relationships -- Lovers, Multiple Lovers and Arrangements - 154 12) How To Make Love To A Woman - 163 a) Foreplay - 163 b) How To Get Your Wife or Girlfriend To Want More Sex - 166 c) Male Dysfunction and Relationships - 172 d) Sexual Technique - How to make love to a woman - 175 SUMMARY - 178 APPENDIX - 179
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