Question: How do I make my girlfriend want more sex?
Answer: The biggest complaint that guys in relationships have is not getting enough sex from their wife or girlfriend.
In a recent AskMen.com poll 44% of men said (when asked about their overall sex life): “I wish I had sex more frequently.”
Guys I’ve talked to sometimes think that women just aren’t as sexual or into sex as much as guys.
My experience, however, has been to the contrary. Women are by far MORE sexual and enjoy sex much more than men do. Their orgasms typically last longer and as a group they are much more capable of multiple orgasms than men.
Yet, is very typical to hear a married guy complain that he only gets sex from his wife or girlfriend once a month. And of course it has been the subject of many a comedy on TV and in the movies.
So why is it if women are more sexual than men that men are the ones who are usually complaining about not getting enough sex?
The answer lies in two differences between men and women.
1) Women don’t get physically turned on as easily as men. And conversely women get turned off more easily than men. So if I guy is not doing or saying the right things to his girl, she won’t get turned on, and in fact might get turned off.
2) Combine that with the fact that women have one ability that men don’t have and you will start to get a better understanding of the situation. Even though women are more sexual and enjoy sex more deeply than men are capable of, women are also capable of going without sex for longer periods of time. Women are not as sexually “needy” as men.
Let’s put it another way – Sex is first and foremost a “quality” thing for women.
Look at some of the women’s complaint’s in polls:
90% of women reported that they wished their partner kissed them more or with more passion.
65% of women felt their partner did not have a good kissing technique.
So you see men are more into quantity and women are more into quality.
But, here is what you should know, if you give a women the “quality” of sexual relations that she is desiring then she will want the quantity. And when you really turn your woman on, and she is in the quality and quantity mode, most women will have most men on the mat screaming “No Mas” in a short period of time.
So if your women is not having sex with you as frequently as you’d like, then you can safely assume that you are not doing something right in the “quality” department. You are either turning her off or not turning her on – in any case you are doing something wrong.
Now, what do guys do wrong to mess up the frequency of their sex life? Well, there are probably hundreds of answers to that one and millions of unique variations on the theme. But, here are some of the more basic and frequent mistakes that men make in their relationships with women.
First let’s look at what guys can do to turn women off.
1) Being a slob, smelly, or physically disgusting. I don’t think I have to go into this too much, but if you want sex, you might try approaching your woman when you are fresh and clean, rather than dirty and smelly. If you like to have sex when you go to bed at night, try taking a shower first. Make sure she knows you are doing that, then get romantic.
2) Not taking care of your responsibilities as a man. Most often it is not about being dirty and smelly but about not doing your job as a man. Men are supposed to support a family. They are supposed to take care of women. Although women are liberated these days and work and earn money like men, that doesn’t mean that having to work and support a family turns them on. Most women are okay with contributing to the support of the family unit or boyfriend/girlfriend team, but when they start contributing more than the man and the man is plainly not doing his fair share because he is lazy or some such other trait, that’s when women get a little turned off and resentful.
3) Sometimes, it is not about career and the responsibilities of manhood, but about equality of effort and fair exchange amongst group members. So when the guy and the woman both have jobs and the guy is holding his own and even making a little more than the woman, that is all good except when they both come home and she is expected to clean up the house and do his laundry while he sits around lazily and drinks beer.
You see, all of the above scenarios are mood killers for women. Even though women may tolerate some of these behaviors at first, in a long term relationship these kinds of behaviors eventually catch up with her and start killing the mood.
4) On top of that is communication. Because of the above perceived inequities women will start “bitching” at men about their career or their responsibilities or their chores at home, etc. When men are unresponsive to communication, to discussing and handling the complaints, etc. there is only one direction for the communication to go – less sex. She is not turned on. She can’t change anything about it with communication, so she just becomes not interested in sex . Some women may even consciously withhold sex on purpose to get across to you that “something is wrong” and that “we need to talk.”
When a guy still doesn’t get what this “lack of sexual interest” is really about, the relationship becomes doomed to one of mediocrity or eventual breakup.
I think the majority of “lack of sexual interest” exhibited by women are the result of the above perceived inequities – which really just turn women off sexually.
Occasionally however, it is not because of the above, it is because of a failure to turn women on properly, that sexual interest is lost.
Most commonly it is actually both things at once, because most men who are turning women off are simultaneously failing to turn them on. So most guys who are not getting sex often enough need to work both on turning women on as well as not turning women off. However, occasionally there are guys who are not turning women off, they just aren’t doing a very good job at turning women on. That is an easier case to handle.
What mistakes do guys make in regards to turning women on? Here are the four most common mistakes that I find men making with respect to turning women on.
1) No Romance – Now I’ve talked about this one extensively in my other writings. So let me just put it simply here. You can’t stop romancing a girl after you get her to be your girlfriend or wife. Whatever you did to get the girl, you have to keep doing it, do it more extensively, find new ways of doing it, etc. As long as you want to keep creating a relationship with this person, you have to keep creating romance with them.
2) Boring Sexual Routine – Sometimes people fall into a sexual routine that is fun a first put becomes boring when done day after day, night after night. Try some new things, vary the routine. It will help keep things fresh and interesting between the two of you. Talk about your likes and desires and new things you would like to try. Talk about your fantasies. Be willing to do things she would like to do in exchange for trying things you would like to do. If you run out of ideas, we have a free mini-course on our website, “How To Be a Great Lover” and other free materials to help you out with ideas.
3) Not understanding a woman’s body – a lot of guys, especially the younger ones, don’t understand a woman’s body. Women need more preparatory (before actual sex) stimulation than men. Men only have to think about it and seem to be ready to do the deed. Women need to think about it and think about it and think about it to become interested and turned on.
Extensive foreplay is a necessity for women to get physically ready and mentally ready to enjoy and get into sex. Talking, having a romantic dinner, holding hands, kissing for hours (like you did on your first dates) all prepares a woman’s body for sex and turns her on. Never, never, never try to have intercourse with a woman until she is turned on. Keep kissing, keep touching, but never have intercourse until she is totally turned on.
4) Not taking a woman to multiple orgasms. Practically any woman is capable of multiple orgasms. Many think they aren’t so they don’t try and many aren’t turned on enough or are a little turned off by their lover so that prevents them from having multiple orgasms.
The reality though is practically all women can have multiple orgasms. Some need some time between orgasms, while others are little orgasmic machines that can continue having orgasm after orgasm for hours on end. The ability to orgasm and to have multiple orgasm can be developed in women who think they are incapable by a knowledgeable man.
This is a subject that books are written on and if you don’t know how to make a women orgasm then I suggest you get one and learn how to make a women orgasm. (See “How to Make Any Women Orgasm” on our website.)
Making a women multiple orgasm is similar. You need to learn to observe your partner’s body. Learn and understand how it works. Some men are even unsure if a woman is even having an orgasm.
If you are observant you will start to observe and know when she is having an orgasm. Sometimes you can feel the orgasm tighten around you as you are having sex, other times you can feel the woman’s whole body tighten as she begins to orgasm, sometimes there is quiver or a vibration from her as she begins to orgasm, other times she begins to get vocal as she orgasms, or the opposite, she becomes silent as she begins to orgasm
Each women is uniquely different from my experiences, but any women can be figured out if you just become observant.
For some women multiple orgasms are achieved outside of intercourse. My last girlfriend liked to have the first orgasm by finger or hand, the second by mouth, and the third and subsequent orgasms by intercourse.
This may work well for a woman who becomes dry or irritated by intercourse after her first orgasm, but you can also do the reverse in that case, depending on the women — first orgasm by intercourse then second or third orgasm by mouth or hand.
For some women, orgasms are always achieved outside of intercourse. Sometimes two bodies just don’t fit together the right way to naturally create an orgasm for the women. Be willing to give your partner an orgasm each time you have sex, any way you can – by finger or hand, by mouth, or by machine if you have to.
Please your partner. Do whatever it takes. Always think of her and her pleasure first.
As a rule I always give my partner her orgasm or orgasms first before I orgasm as it is much harder (both physically and mentally) to give your partner an orgasm when you are flaccid.
If you learn to make a woman orgasm and multiple orgasm each time you have sex with her and you don’t do the big mistakes to turn her off up above, I guarantee you she will give you all the sex you want.
I’ve even had relationships in which we totally did not get along, but the sex was so good for her, that she could not break up with me, and even after we did break up, she would keep coming back for sex.
In conclusion, if you learn to 1) NOT do the things that turn women off, and 2) do the things that turn women on, you will probably get more sex out of your women than you can handle. Then I will have to answer your questions when you write to me like this:
“My girl and I really have fantastic sex, and I really love her, but please, she is wearing me out, I can’t keep up with her demands for sex. What do I do to slow her down, without offending her?”
