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Question: Mr. L. Rx, what are some good general rules to follow on a blind date? Answer: Good question. Let’s talk about physical appearance. Be well groomed, take a shower before your date and smell good. (You don’t have to coat yourself with perfume, but just make sure you don’t stink. Use deodorant, etc.) Wear clean clothes. You don’t have to be a fashion model but dress in a contemporary manner. If you don’t know what that is, then look at some store mannequins, some magazines, or look at how some guys dress who go out with “hot” girls. This should give you ideas. If you can’t afford to change your wardrobe, dress as contemporaneously as possible and make sure your clothes are clean. Pay attention to your shoes. Women look at shoes. Make sure they are clean and go with your clothing. Dress to attract the kind of woman you want. Clothes make a statement. If you are a casual “fun loving” type of guy and you want to attract a similar minded woman, then don’t show up in a business suit. It may make the wrong statement. On the other hand, if you are looking for one of those high maintenance type of women that want a successful man for their mate. Then that suit, Rolex, and Cole Haan shoes may be in order. Be confident in your posture, motions, and attitude. Posture and confidence are attractive to most women on a subliminal level. If you don’t know what this is then watch some movies of classic leading men. Look at their posture, motions and how they display confidence. Start mimicking and practicing these types of motions all the time. After a while you will get comfortable with the attitude, motions and good posture. Be a gentleman. Be courteous. Open the door for her, and do all the usual gentlemanly acts. Make sure that being a gentleman is a statement of who you are, not an attempt to impress her. If you don’t know what that means, then practice being a gentleman all the time – with your mom, sisters, and women friends. If you do it all the time, it will become natural and won’t seem like you are trying to impress her. Don’t be cheap, pick up the tab. You’re a man. You are supposed to be a provider. It is part of being a gentleman. Don’t talk about sex or make blatant sexual innuendos. Be seductive and attractive by your motions not by telling her how “hot” she is or how much you want to get with her. Look her in the eyes, smile, move in close to her briefly on occasion. Touch her arm now and again lightly. These are the motions of seduction. Most of all listen. Listen to what she has to say and ask questions. Show her you really are interested in her – not just her body – and want to get to know her better. Put more attention on listening and asking questions than on bragging and telling her how great you are, and combined with all of the other factors above, you will find that most of your blind dates will want to get together with you again. Mr. L. Rx
Question: Mr. L. Rx, I already have a casual intimate relationship with a woman, I met about two months ago. It is not serious. We get together about once a week. Problem is I am beginning to have some feelings for her and think I might really like her. Can I develop a real relationship with her? Or is it too late? How would I go about doing this? Answer: Well, this is unusual. Most of the time, guys are trying to figure out how to develop a relationship with a girl they haven’t been intimate with. Yes, it is possible but it does present some unique challenges. First of all you need to find out where this woman stands. If you guys are having a casual intimate relationship, you need to know if that is something she wants to maintain or if she, like you, is starting to feel different about things. Now if you go about this the wrong way, you can scare her off. So be careful. A lot of times people who are coming out of a divorce or a break up want an intimate relationship but they don’t want commitment or feeling like they are getting close to someone. They are trying to protect themselves from being hurt by not getting close. Of course this will heal in time, but the time factor can take one, two or even three years for some people. If you really like someone and feel they are worth the wait, you can seal the deal by not putting any pressure on them during this time, maintaining the casual relationship and just being there for them when they are ready for something else. Most of the time, these type of things don’t work out because one person is too impatient to wait and puts pressure on the other person who is not ready, so they end up in a spat and a break up. Now, from your question we know nothing about this woman. She could be a career “no commitment” type or recently divorced or one or two years down the road after a break up. So you need to ask a lot of questions in a neutral sort of way, so that you do not play your hand in case she is not ready for your feelings. The best way to maintain neutrality is to not originate questions out of the blue, but to play off of her originations. For example, if she mentions her ex and berates him, you could say, “Sounds like you guys didn’t have a very good relationship.” If she says, “Yeah,” you could come back with something like, “So does that mean you hate all men, or do you think he was just a bully?” If she says, “No, I don’t hate all men, blah, blah, blah,” then she might be more ready for a relationship then if she says “Yeah.” The conversations you will have with her will be very situational so I can’t tell you what to exactly say and ask in this short column, but perhaps you get the idea. What you don’t want to ask are questions about you and your relationship with her. That is not neutral and could get you in trouble if she is not ready for anything serious. So don’t say things like, “How do you feel about our relationship?” or “I am starting to have feelings for you,” etc. until you know if she is ready and can handle this type of topic. If she is not, you just need to keep informed of her general feelings about men and relationships until she is ready to get serious with someone again. Mr. L. Rx Question: Mr. L. Rx, I actually do alright with women in general. I have no problem approaching, talking to and securing dates with women. However, there is one exception. When a woman is really gorgeous, I fall to pieces and get real insecure and make lots of mistakes. How can I fix this? Answer: That’s a good question. One that I believe a lot of guys have in common. The problem has to do with scarcity. You probably approach and talk to a lot of women from “acceptable” looks to “pretty good looking”. You are comfortable with them and know what to do. But you just don’t meet that many absolutely gorgeous “Tens” and when you do, you want them so bad that you are afraid of messing up and blowing it so you start acting like the average guy does around any woman. When something is scarce it becomes valuable. Gold and other “precious” metals for example are relatively scarce so they become valuable. Beachfront homes, another example, are relatively scarce in any city and will usually be more valuable than a similar home in the heart of the city. It is the same with extremely beautiful women. Women with acceptable looks or a little above average are not that scarce. Pretty women, say an eight on a scale of one to ten, are rare but not that scarce. You meet them now and again. Now a woman that is a nine or ten on this scale, however, you don’t see that kind of woman every day. When I did my seven hundred dates in one year, I only met about 2 women who were a “nine” and no tens at all. So you see “tens” are scarce. (At least my “tens”. I have been accused by friends of having a “higher” rating system than most guys.) So what is the handle? The cure? Well, meeting lots of extremely beautiful women is very helpful, as after a while they won’t be that different from any other women. So, going places where extremely beautiful women hang out or working “publics” like models where “tens” may be more frequent or common than the average population will help. You already know what to do. You just have to get yourself out of your “awestruck” mindset and you will fall into what naturally works for you. Experience with extremely beautiful women will get you there. When I worked these kinds of extremely beautiful women in bars and clubs, at first I was awestruck, then after I learned to close them 100% of the time I got rather bored with them. Now, I wouldn’t even bother working these kinds of women as having had a lot of experience with them I determined that, in general, they weren’t very good lovers. (I don’t mean that all extremely beautiful women are not good lovers, just the insecure types that you find in bars and clubs.) Another tactic that will work is paying attention to personality first and looks second. Now it is okay if you qualify a woman on her looks, but after that qualification you have to immediately pay attention to personality and not her looks. When you realize that there are different personality types and that extremely beautiful women come in all of these different types of personalities, the experience factor will come in to play, as you will likely have more experience with her personality type and won’t be so awestruck by the “scarcity” of her physical beauty. If you learn how to handle the different personality types (as I teach guys to do in “Dating To Relating – From A To Z” ) then you will know how to handle her personality and be comfortable with her no matter how beautiful she is. Mr. L. Rx

Category:

Question: Mr. L. Rx, what are some good general rules to follow on a blind date?

Answer: Good question.

Let’s talk about physical appearance. Be well groomed, take a shower before your date and smell good. (You don’t have to coat yourself with perfume, but just make sure you don’t stink. Use deodorant, etc.)

Wear clean clothes. You don’t have to be a fashion model but dress in a contemporary manner. If you don’t know what that is, then look at some store mannequins, some magazines, or look at how some guys dress who go out with “hot” girls. This should give you ideas. If you can’t afford to change your wardrobe, dress as contemporaneously as possible and make sure your clothes are clean.

Pay attention to your shoes. Women look at shoes. Make sure they are clean and go with your clothing.

Dress to attract the kind of woman you want. Clothes make a statement. If you are a casual “fun loving” type of guy and you want to attract a similar minded woman, then don’t show up in a business suit. It may make the wrong statement.

On the other hand, if you are looking for one of those high maintenance type of women that want a successful man for their mate. Then that suit, Rolex, and Cole Haan shoes may be in order.

Be confident in your posture, motions, and attitude. Posture and confidence are attractive to most women on a subliminal level. If you don’t know what this is then watch some movies of classic leading men. Look at their posture, motions and how they display confidence. Start mimicking and practicing these types of motions all the time. After a while you will get comfortable with the attitude, motions and good posture.

Be a gentleman. Be courteous. Open the door for her, and do all the usual gentlemanly acts. Make sure that being a gentleman is a statement of who you are, not an attempt to impress her. If you don’t know what that means, then practice being a gentleman all the time – with your mom, sisters, and women friends. If you do it all the time, it will become natural and won’t seem like you are trying to impress her.

Don’t be cheap, pick up the tab. You’re a man. You are supposed to be a provider. It is part of being a gentleman.

Don’t talk about sex or make blatant sexual innuendos. Be seductive and attractive by your motions not by telling her how “hot” she is or how much you want to get with her. Look her in the eyes, smile, move in close to her briefly on occasion. Touch her arm now and again lightly. These are the motions of seduction.

Most of all listen. Listen to what she has to say and ask questions. Show her you really are interested in her – not just her body – and want to get to know her better. Put more attention on listening and asking questions than on bragging and telling her how great you are, and combined with all of the other factors above, you will find that most of your blind dates will want to get together with you again.

Mr. L. Rx

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