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Question: Mr. L. Rx, this girl I know at work is flirting with me, but she is dating someone else. What do I do? Answer: This is a good question. There are a number of reasons that a woman might flirt with you while dating someone else. Not all women would do this, but certain personality types will. Some women flirt with all men. They basically have a need to feel that they are attractive. This need is more important than their existing relationship. They don’t do anything other than flirt so they do not feel like they are cheating. By flirting with men and getting a flirt back they feel attractive. So in the end it is all about them feeling good about themselves and not about you. They will never go to the next stage with you. Watch the woman and see if she is flirting with a bunch of men or just you. Some women flirt with men in front of other women as a sort of competitive thing. Again it is not about you and it is not a flirt that is going to go anywhere. It is simply a flirt that is done in front of other women to show them that they are attractive and can get men or perhaps even to show the other women that they are more attractive than them. So if this behavior always takes place in front of other women, be a little suspicious of the intent. Then there are promiscuous women who will cheat on their boyfriends. This type of flirt is usually done discreetly – not in front of others. She does not want to get caught so she will not be flirting with all men or flirting in front of her girlfriends (well maybe she might do this if she can trust her girlfriends). But get the picture? Is she doing this discreetly or on the sly? If this is the kind of flirting she is doing then maybe she is looking for an affair. Keep in mind, however, that a woman who cheats on her boyfriend will cheat on you. So don’t be tempted into thinking she is going to leave her boyfriend for you or that she would make a good girlfriend no matter the sad story she gives you about her boyfriend. Just remember that if she cheats on him, she is a cheater. She will cheat on you. There is another possibility that she is just dating, and that the boyfriend is not really considered a boyfriend by her. She might just be dating a bunch of guys trying to see who she likes. The guy she is with might even be an arrangement type of boyfriend – someone she has relations with until she finds someone she likes. If she flirts with you, and she is rather open about it, and she is not flirting with all the guys or in front of all her girlfriends, then this might be the case. If that is so, ask her about it. Say, “Why are you flirting with me, don’t you have a boyfriend?” See what her answer is. It might be, “Well he is not really my boyfriend, he’s just a friend.” Another possibility is that she has decided to break up with him, but she might be the kind of personality that has to line up another guy before she can break up with the first one. Hence the flirting is directed at you, not others as above, and you should ask her about it just as above. This one might say something like, “Well, it is just not working out, I need to move on.” It is one thing to test and look for a new boyfriend by a little flirting. It is another thing to cheat on a guy before you have broken it off. So stay clear of the girls who want to cheat. They will end up doing the same thing to you. Mr. L. Rx

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Question: Mr. L. Rx, how do you talk to women in order to attract them? Answer: Now, I have a question for you. What do you mean by talk? Do you mean actual communication? Communication is talk that results in someone understanding what you are saying, from your point of view. But there is another type of talk. Talk aimed at producing a result. It is aimed at getting someone to do something or it is aimed at creating an effect on someone. We don’t really care if the person understands our viewpoint as long as what we said gets them to do or be or have whatever it is we want them to do or be or have. Any parent knows that if you tell a two year old “not” to do something, he will do it. So that is the type of talk we are referring to with this definition. It doesn’t require understanding. It is just a matter of what we say produces the desired effect on another. Casual talk on the other hand, doesn’t have much to do with understanding, or a particular desired effect. (Unless we say that the desired effect is a pleasant time while conversing with another.) Casual talk is just something to do to take up time; it can be interesting and entertaining even, but not much to do with understanding or a desired effect on another outside of a pleasant time conversing. Then there are those people who talk to achieve emotional release. They talk about something that is bothering them for a while and they feel better and get an emotional release. They again are not looking for any type of understanding, or to create a desired effect on another, or to have a pleasant time with another. They just want someone who will listen long enough so they can get an emotional release. So right there we have at least four different purposes to or types of “talk.” Now oddly enough, personality factors intersect with these various different types of talk, because some personalities specialize in one of the types of talk more than the others. We all have the friend who just talks and talks about their problem trying to achieve some emotional release. They don’t want your advice or attempts to solve their problem. They just need to talk. We all have the buddies that we can just shoot the breeze with. Nothing in particular to talk about. Just pleasant conversation. And we all have good and bad experiences with people who say things in order to get us to react in one way or another. Now here is where personality comes in again. Obviously if you were talking to a woman who was a personality type that specialized in emotional release – you would attract her by listening to her unburden herself and achieve emotional release. If you were talking to a personality type that just like to have a pleasant time – then chatting in a pleasant way about nothing in particular would score you big points. Just don’t bring that conversation into “unpleasant” realms and you will do just fine on “attraction”. Now if you are with the type of personality that needs to create effects on you or needs an effect created on herself, then let them do so or do so to them and you will do fine on the attraction vector. And if you are with the type of women who longs for understanding and being understood, then achieve understanding in your conversation and you will achieve attraction. Mr. L. Rx

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Question: Mr. L. Rx, this girl I know at work is flirting with me, but she is dating someone else. What do I do?

Answer: This is a good question. There are a number of reasons that a woman might flirt with you while dating someone else. Not all women would do this, but certain personality types will.

Some women flirt with all men. They basically have a need to feel that they are attractive. This need is more important than their existing relationship. They don’t do anything other than flirt so they do not feel like they are cheating. By flirting with men and getting a flirt back they feel attractive. So in the end it is all about them feeling good about themselves and not about you. They will never go to the next stage with you.

Watch the woman and see if she is flirting with a bunch of men or just you.

Some women flirt with men in front of other women as a sort of competitive thing. Again it is not about you and it is not a flirt that is going to go anywhere. It is simply a flirt that is done in front of other women to show them that they are attractive and can get men or perhaps even to show the other women that they are more attractive than them.

So if this behavior always takes place in front of other women, be a little suspicious of the intent.

Then there are promiscuous women who will cheat on their boyfriends. This type of flirt is usually done discreetly – not in front of others. She does not want to get caught so she will not be flirting with all men or flirting in front of her girlfriends (well maybe she might do this if she can trust her girlfriends). But get the picture? Is she doing this discreetly or on the sly? If this is the kind of flirting she is doing then maybe she is looking for an affair.

Keep in mind, however, that a woman who cheats on her boyfriend will cheat on you. So don’t be tempted into thinking she is going to leave her boyfriend for you or that she would make a good girlfriend no matter the sad story she gives you about her boyfriend. Just remember that if she cheats on him, she is a cheater. She will cheat on you.

There is another possibility that she is just dating, and that the boyfriend is not really considered a boyfriend by her. She might just be dating a bunch of guys trying to see who she likes. The guy she is with might even be an arrangement type of boyfriend – someone she has relations with until she finds someone she likes.

If she flirts with you, and she is rather open about it, and she is not flirting with all the guys or in front of all her girlfriends, then this might be the case. If that is so, ask her about it. Say, “Why are you flirting with me, don’t you have a boyfriend?” See what her answer is. It might be, “Well he is not really my boyfriend, he’s just a friend.”

Another possibility is that she has decided to break up with him, but she might be the kind of personality that has to line up another guy before she can break up with the first one. Hence the flirting is directed at you, not others as above, and you should ask her about it just as above. This one might say something like, “Well, it is just not working out, I need to move on.”

It is one thing to test and look for a new boyfriend by a little flirting. It is another thing to cheat on a guy before you have broken it off. So stay clear of the girls who want to cheat. They will end up doing the same thing to you.

Mr. L. Rx

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  • Question: Mr. L. Rx, I am attracted to this girl at the campus store. She is really hot. But she is really cold to me. I don’t think she has a boyfriend, but whenever I say, “Hi,” with a big smile, it doesn’t work. She just gives me a cold stare and says, “How can I help you?” What do I do? Answer: Well, if you have been following my writing, you would know that my recurring theme is that people have different personalities and different personalities require different approaches. A “Hi” with a smile might work on most people but it won’t work on all personalities. When I was a young man I did door to door sales. “Hi” with a big smile and a funny joke is how I opened most conversations door to door. It worked like a charm in middle class neighborhoods. One day, however, they dropped me in an upper middle class neighborhood. And I was shocked. My “Hi” with a big smile got me a lot of “fear” reactions with doors slammed quickly in my face. These were upper middle class very-good-looking women that were doing the door-slamming fear-reaction. I was a skilled salesman by this time however as I had started door to door sales at eleven years old. I learned quickly to “mimic” people when I didn’t have the right presentation or my presentation or personality wasn’t doing well. So I quickly changed my strategy with these upper middle class “hot” housewives and I mimicked their style. Instead of a “Hi” and a smile, I said “Hi” and told them the same joke but in a very “dry” deadpan manner with absolutely no smile or expression at all. Instead of slamming the door in my face, they all laughed at my joke, opened the door and invited me in. You see, to some personalities, and in some environments, a “smiling face” is not to be trusted. I have even used the same strategy when approaching women in stores or on the street, such as in your situation. For example, there was this woman who was really hot ( like a 9.5/10) that worked at a Louis Vuitton store in the mall. I went by and targeted her for a slow multiple-come-back approach. I initially approached her with a smile and a “Hi” and friendly conversation (which works on most mall store employees). She talked to me but was very cold and not friendly at all. After about three times, I realized she was not the right personality type for that approach and I changed to my deadpan “humor’ with no smile. I caught her out in front of a “fast food” place eating a cheap burrito or something and said in my best deadpan voice, with no smile and an extremely deadpan expression, “So that’s how you spend your time, huh, eating cheap burritos.” She laughed and laughed and laughed. And the next time I walked into her store she was all over me with conversation. She would practically tell me her life story when I would go into the store. Best of all, she asked me out, after a couple of more visits. She also changed her attitude. I didn’t have to keep up the deadpan stuff. I was able to go back to being cheerful with a smile. But not all personalities are like that. Some women you have to keep up the deadpan routine forever. (Like the upper middle class housewives, for instance.) In this case, however, she was one of those really hot women who just didn’t trust “smiling” men who approach them. So she had her defenses up but this wasn’t really her personality. Once I got past that point with the deadpan routine, I could put the smile back on and she could be herself. Like I said, everyone is different. The way you figure it out is with a lot of experience and a lot of keen observation. And if you are short on experience and observation, then get yourself a copy of “Dating To Relating – From A To Z”. Mr. L. Rx

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