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Question: Mr. L. Rx , what are the mistakes the guys typically make to screw up a healthy relationship? Answer: Well here are five of the most common basic mistakes. 1) Cheating. 2) Stopping creating the romance that they created to win the girl in the first place. 3) Not continually creating a common opponent to fight as teammates. 4) Not continuing to monitor the goals and purposes of the team and make sure that they are still in unison. 5) Not making sure she continues to do all of the above too. Now to create a relationship with a willing partner who wants the same thing as you do, all you have to do is continue to create romance, continue to be teammates against a common opponent (and not turn on each other for lack of a “real opponent”), continue to stay in communication with each other as you grow and change (to create staying “on the same page”), continue to be teammates and not become the enemy (by cheating or some such thing) and finally make sure your partner continues to do all of these things too. 1) Cheating – When you cheat, you become the enemy. You are no longer working as team mates for the same thing. You have a hidden agenda and you are not working for the best interest of the team. 2) A lot of guys make the mistake of stopping to romance the girl. When they consider her a teammate they feel they no longer have to “win her over” or romance her. They feel they have “got” her. This is a big mistake. All those things you did to impress her and get her, worked. These were the things that created “attraction” towards you. Now that you have secured this agreement for her to be your girlfriend or wife and enter into this new game of “teammates” it doesn’t mean that the old game is over. And if you don’t continue to do the things which cause attraction, you will lose her. 3) Now once you move from the stage of a relationship where you are trying to win the girl over, you enter a stage where you are teammates mostly (but remember still keep doing those things to cause the girl to be continually attracted to you) In the “teammate ” stage you are in agreement. You are a couple and you are approaching the world together as a team. Now, depending on your type of relationship agreement, that can be anything from just creating mutual pleasure together (like sex, or hanging out) to combining your finances and taking on the world financially to improve your mutual lot, to deciding to take on “having kids” and raising them to the standards that you both agree on. Continually setting goals and working on those goals as a team helps to create a relationship. Stop doing this and the relationship will start falling apart. 4) Now to continually monitor these goals you set as a team, this means communication. You have to talk to your partner and continually monitor where they are at with respect to your mutual and their and your personal goals. People change and grow. You can’t assume the girl you married 3 years ago is the same girl today. You can’t assume the things that she considered important and wanted to work on with you 3 years ago, 1 year ago, even 6 months ago are still the goals she has today. Communicate! Talk! Listen! You have to continually find out where you are at. If you keep communication in then you wont’ have any surprise. If you assume she is the same (when she isn’t) then you will be surprised one day when you exclaim “I don’t know who you are anymore” as she walks out the door or cheats on you. 5) Finally, you have to get your girl to do all of these things too. One person creating a relationship is better than none, but two people creating a relationship is a cinch for success. Mr. L. Rx
Question: I’ve read some of your works on relationships. I use to have a good relationship but it seems we are just drifting apart. No cheating or anything like that, but we seem to be no longer interested in the same things. How do you keep a relationship together under such circumstances? Answer: Now the thing is, as you get through the first stage of attracting the girl, there comes a point where you start working together as a team pursuing mutual goals – house, car, boat, vacations, kids, etc. The thing you have to remember about this is that the process of working together as a team is more important than the things you obtain as a team. Teamwork is like “glue” that holds a couple together. Sometimes when a couple achieves some of the goals that are the objects of their teamwork, they forget to replace those goals with new ones. Sooner or later if you don’t replace old goals with new ones you run out of things to work together on. So often a couple gets engaged, gets married, has children, gets a nice house, gets a nice car and then stop setting goals and their teamwork disappears. Sometimes it doesn’t even go that far. Sometimes they both have a simple goal like moving in together. They do that and then stop creating team projects. Like the need to continue to do the things you did to attract her, working together to achieve goals and solve problems is the expanded foundation of a relationship. As long as you keep working together as a team and setting new goals to accomplish, you will continue to create a healthy satisfying relationship. Goals don’t always have to be mutual goals. Sometimes a couple helps each other on personal goals. They work together as a team to get her to lose 10 pounds. They work together as a team to get him a better job. Doing that creates the relationship in a healthy manner. Telling your girl “you’d better lose ten pounds or I am out of here” doesn’t. Telling the guy he’d “better get a better job” or you are gone doesn’t create a relationship either. These kinds of attitudes make you “enemies” or “opponents” rather than teammates. Mutual goals are common “opponents” and make you teammates fighting against your obstacles to achieving your goals. I can go on and on and on, on this topic, but I think you get the point. Continually setting goals and working on those goals as a team helps to create a relationship. Stop doing this and the relationship will start falling apart or drifting away. Mr. L. Rx Question: Mr. L. Rx, you talk about using “gradients” a lot in your writings. Can you give me an example of how to use gradients to approach a woman? Answer: Yes, here is an example: I use to feel uncomfortable approaching women. I felt like walking up to an attractive woman and saying “Wow, are you hot or what?” or “Will you marry me?” or “I’m in love.” Or “Hey, I just saw you over there and I’m really attracted to you.” Now before I really looked at it I thought the sequence of approach was something like this: 1) First step – You have to approach the girl or she is gone forever and you lose. 2) Second step – You have to tell her you are attracted to her or you won’t be able to create the chance of seeing her again. Problem is I either couldn’t bring myself to do it, too shy, too insecure about my self, or I got drunk and did it and got shot down 90% of the time. So after a while, I would just let the opportunity pass. One day I finally sat down and applied gradients to the situation. I figured out that the real problem was I was uncomfortable with telling a hot girl exactly how much I liked her because I didn’t want to face the rejection (especially in front of other people) if she responded negatively. Then I figured out a way that I didn’t have to say these higher gradient things (such as “I love you” or “you are so hot”) on the approach. So let’s look at the sequence of events in this situation which added some gradient steps between 1 and 2 above. 1) First step – You have to approach the girl or she is gone forever and you lose. 2) Second step – You have to say something to her or someway attempt to engage her in a conversation as she probably won’t do it herself. 3) Third step – Say something neutral that will not embarrass you or be obvious to people around that you are hitting on her. 4) Watch her response – does she try to keep the conversation going? 5) If she doesn’t, let her go – no harm no foul – nothing to be embarrassed about after all you just asked her for the time. But if she keeps the conversation going and appears to be interested in doing so go to next step. 6) Keep the conversation going myself. At some point, add a slight “flirt” and see how she responds – something like “Wow, you have really pretty eyes.” 7) If the slight flirt doesn’t push her away, take it to the next level. Tell her she is an interesting person and you would like to talk to her some more but you have to go. Get her phone number and/or email. 8 ) You have achieved step 2 (letting her know you are attracted to her)in the first example above because women are used to subtle communications, and she now knows you are interested in her and thinks you are really cool because you did it in normal way (not the usual guy way – “Wow, you are so beautiful!”) With this one observation I worked out a gradient strategy that forever handled my uncomfortable feelings and shyness. My shyness was really about me not wanting to look stupid by getting shot down by some girl in front of other people. When I used a gradient approach it eliminated what I was really afraid of – looking stupid by putting my heart on my sleeve and having some girl stomp all over it. So my best pick up line became and still is today, guys, “Hi!” Mr. L. Rx

Category:

Question: Mr. L. Rx , what are the mistakes the guys typically make to screw up a healthy relationship?

Answer: Well here are five of the most common basic mistakes.

1) Cheating.
2) Stopping creating the romance that they created to win the girl in the first place.
3) Not continually creating a common opponent to fight as teammates.
4) Not continuing to monitor the goals and purposes of the team and make sure that they are still in unison.
5) Not making sure she continues to do all of the above too.

Now to create a relationship with a willing partner who wants the same thing as you do, all you have to do is continue to create romance, continue to be teammates against a common opponent (and not turn on each other for lack of a “real opponent”), continue to stay in communication with each other as you grow and change (to create staying “on the same page”), continue to be teammates and not become the enemy (by cheating or some such thing) and finally make sure your partner continues to do all of these things too.

1) Cheating – When you cheat, you become the enemy. You are no longer working as team mates for the same thing. You have a hidden agenda and you are not working for the best interest of the team.

2) A lot of guys make the mistake of stopping to romance the girl. When they consider her a teammate they feel they no longer have to “win her over” or romance her. They feel they have “got” her. This is a big mistake.

All those things you did to impress her and get her, worked. These were the things that created “attraction” towards you. Now that you have secured this agreement for her to be your girlfriend or wife and enter into this new game of “teammates” it doesn’t mean that the old game is over. And if you don’t continue to do the things which cause attraction, you will lose her.

3) Now once you move from the stage of a relationship where you are trying to win the girl over, you enter a stage where you are teammates mostly (but remember still keep doing those things to cause the girl to be continually attracted to you)

In the “teammate ” stage you are in agreement. You are a couple and you are approaching the world together as a team. Now, depending on your type of relationship agreement, that can be anything from just creating mutual pleasure together (like sex, or hanging out) to combining your finances and taking on the world financially to improve your mutual lot, to deciding to take on “having kids” and raising them to the standards that you both agree on.

Continually setting goals and working on those goals as a team helps to create a relationship. Stop doing this and the relationship will start falling apart.

4) Now to continually monitor these goals you set as a team, this means communication. You have to talk to your partner and continually monitor where they are at with respect to your mutual and their and your personal goals. People change and grow. You can’t assume the girl you married 3 years ago is the same girl today. You can’t assume the things that she considered important and wanted to work on with you 3 years ago, 1 year ago, even 6 months ago are still the goals she has today.

Communicate! Talk! Listen! You have to continually find out where you are at. If you keep communication in then you wont’ have any surprise. If you assume she is the same (when she isn’t) then you will be surprised one day when you exclaim “I don’t know who you are anymore” as she walks out the door or cheats on you.

5) Finally, you have to get your girl to do all of these things too. One person creating a relationship is better than none, but two people creating a relationship is a cinch for success.

Mr. L. Rx

NOTE: If you would like more in depth and organized information on how to meet, attract, and have a relationship with women consider the book How I Got 700 Dates In One Year, Dating To Relating – From A To Z, or any of the other books by Mr. L. Rx.

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