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Last week one of my friends asked a question that I thought was worth discussing. He asked me how to overcome fears that pop up sometimes when we approach women for the first time or even the hundredth time - fears we get even when things are going good. The truth is it is not an easy question to answer as it varies from person to person. There are literally entire books that have been written on that subject alone. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient. What are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will fail. If you keep trying it over and over you will start building up a "complex" about failing, and soon not try anymore. If you try to jump up five or six steps on your first try, it will also be scary - not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too. The right approach is to take the first step and then advance, one step at a time. It is the most comfortable way to climb a ladder. Here are some examples of how I apply that to overcome fears that pop up in approaching women for the first time or one hundredth time. As most guys do, I often go out to approach women in a social setting. This can be especially scary. So when I am approaching a beautiful woman in a social setting, rather than telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am attracted to her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say, "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will find a way to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then I know she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly, not necessarily even flirting, so I don't feel shot down in front of other people. If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful about approaching her on taking the next step of getting intimate with her, I don't ask her, "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to relax, get cozy, and just watch TV at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her light touches every now and again to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to give me the go ahead signal. Sometimes when I am fearful of confronting a woman about making a move, I even use “multiple choice” as a test of gradients. When planning a date and fearful to approach her directly on the subject of coming over to my house, I might say, “Do you want to (a) go to a movie? (b) go out to dinner? (c) meet up with our friends at the party? or (d) stay home and watch TV and cuddle? That way I don’t feel rejected if she doesn’t choose (d) as I didn’t directly suggest that we had to do that. But if she does select (d) I know she is ready to take it to the next level. These are some examples. When you feel uncomfortable and fearful whether approaching a women for the first time or someone you are dating, on a subject matter you are uncomfortable with, just try to think of a lower gradient that isn't as scary and allows you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will learn how to approach women and how to relate to them very quickly.
What have feet to do with personality theory and relationships?   Well I am sure there are people who can read every aspect of your feet. Just like palm readers do. I won't even go into whether or not those are exact sciences or even true.   I've never even really looked into it.   But when it comes to relationships, one of the biggest problems is matching people of similar or compatible personality types.   As you may know, if you have been following my writings, I am a keen observer of things. Particularly things to do with meeting women, picking up women, and relating to women.   I talk about different personality types that I named "love girls," "beautiful teases," and "gradient girls" in many of my writings. Of course those were barroom terms and observations I made 30 years ago.    These days I use more sophisticated personality observation systems. Systems that help me tremendously in my every day life dealing with family, friends, and business associates as well as my love interests and potential love interest.   But when writing for you guys there is still some value in referring to these old barroom types, because they are easily observable and most guys have bumped into them in a bar or club once or twice or more.   Most of what I observe, both then and now, has to do with motion and emotion and the actual products people produce.   Now, I'm not here to teach you about personality theory. And in fact, I won't.   As a subject it is 100 times more complex than meeting, dating and relating to women. And there are others who have already documented workable personality technologies.   But the problem with most dating gurus is related to this personality topic. There are different types of men and different types of women. Different types of people relate differently. If you want to be successful in your dating strategies it is not something you can ignore.   Most dating gurus do ignore personality types, however. They lump all men or all women into one category and talk about what women think or what men feel, when the truth is the variation between personality types is much greater than the variation between the sexes.   In simple words, the reason you don't feel like you understand women (or men if you are a woman) has more to do with not understanding different personality types than it has to do with the differences between the sexes.   When you ignore personality types, "pick up," meeting," and "relating" advice becomes a low percentage game - strategies that work only 1 out of 10 times on the general population. (Even though they might work a higher percentage of times in a specific situation where you have an accumulation of a certain personality type - like bars and clubs.)   Observational strategies that take personality type into consideration work 8 or 9 times out of ten on the general population - in every situation. Quite a difference in the success rate. When you master personality types and situational dating and relating methods you become a master of this area. When you can get 8 or 9 out of 10 women that you target, you feel good and confident about your self.   So, as I see it, the problem comes down to this. Even if you are not a master of personality types, if you had a way to meet women who were compatible with your own personality type everything would flow pretty easy. You would pretty much know what to do, know what to say, etc. It would be natural.   The problem is the majority of guys don't look at personality first, they look at bodies.   And when they do look at personality they get confused. They have no systematic way of observing, understanding and predicting human behavior. So, often it takes six months after you meet a person to get through their "façade" or "social" personality before they start showing you who they really are, and other times it is not even six months. It is a major event that occurs - moving in together, marriage, etc. - before they let down their guard and show you who they really are.   The reason I became successful picking up women in bars and clubs 30 years ago, was I was able to spot personality types from certain patterns of motion that they exhibited. From that I was able to predict their behavior and apply situational strategies that led them straight into my arms.   Now what I am really trying to do with all my writings is teach you guys how to observe these things for your self. That is what will make you a master of this area. Sometimes I can give you guys my observations which can act as short cuts to learning, and I do when I can.   So here is one of those...   This is a shortcut to personality typing and spotting that you can learn and start applying in only a few minutes from now.   It is a way you can look at a woman's body (what you do naturally) and determine a personality type in as little as a few seconds and know with a high degree of probability whether she is the right personality type for you or not.   But first a little history...   About two years ago I was visiting my chiropractor. I had an injury to one of my legs which kind of turned one of my feet outward. My natural feet angles where pretty much straight on - what I call 12 noon. If you were to look at a clock both my feet would be pointing to 12 noon on the clock dial. By definition there was no angle between my feet. They were parallel when I walked.   Because of my injury to my left leg, however, my left foot was pointing to about "6 minutes to 12 on a clock face" and my right foot was pointing at 12 noon when I walked.   I asked my chiropractor about this and I made a comment that I assumed that most people must walk with their feet pointing to 12 noon. He said that they didn't and then he said something VERY, VERY INTERESTING. He said that the angle of the feet was controlled by a muscle and organ that had something to do with the emotion of "fear."   Now, this interested me to no end, as the emotion of fear is something that I had observed and definitely played a role in personality types and typing.   I discussed it a little more with him, but in the end, I left his office with a hypothesis to test, "That the relative angle between the feet is a measure of the emotion of fear within a person."   Now, "fear" is a very important emotion when it comes to personality typing. No "fear" makes a man very brave. A little "fear" makes him conservative, a lot of "fear" makes him afraid and even more "fear" and he is terrified. If an angry man has "fear" mixed in with his anger he becomes "covert" (backstabbing - as he is afraid to attack you from the front) rather than "overt" (face-to-face) in his anger.   Interesting this thing called "fear."   For example my "love girls" of the barroom days had "no fear." In fact they were so brave they scared men.   The "beautiful teases," were very afraid, they acted brave (apparent flirt) but then ran away at the first sign of real interest.   Those "gradient girls," they just had a little fear - afraid men in bars were all just a bunch of jerks.   The strategies that I evolved to pick up these different types of women were pretty much molded to handle their different types or levels of relative "fear."   Interesting....   After my talk with the chiropractor, I went back to the clubs and looked at a few examples of these "barroom" personality types with respect to this angle between the feet.   First let me give you a few definitions in case you don't know what degrees and angles and other geometric terms are.        Let us use the face of a clock for an example. Look at the big hand and the little hand. They both start at the same point in the center of the dial, but the tips of the big hand and little hand point to different places. The two lines formed by the big hand and the little hand create an angle. The angle between them is measured geometrically in degrees.   A circle has 360 degrees. So in the clock example every minute would be a change of 6 degrees. So if we use 12 noon or 12 o'clock, the two hands are parallel and there is no angle, or 0 degrees.   When it is 12:05 on the clock, the hands create what is called a 30 degree angle. When it is 12:10  the two hands create a 60 degree angle. At 12:15 the two hands create a 90 degree angle and at 12:20 the two hands create a 120 degree angle.   Now the angles between human feet don't get much wider than that. (though I have seen a few 12:22s ) So for our purposes let's stop the geometry lesson here.   For our purposes though, I usually don't refer to the angles between the feet as 12:15 etc. as one has to turn one's head to see the angle correctly. If I am using the clock analogy, I usually refer to the feet positions as - left foot from 1 to 10 minutes before 12 noon or 12 noon if straight -- and the right foot from 1 to 10 minutes after noon or 12 noon if straight --  (i.e. left foot 5 minutes before noon, right foot five minutes after noon).   Let's continue.   Now "Love Girls" tended to have perfectly straight feet (both feet pointed at 12 noon). Gradient girls typically have an angle between the feet of about 12 to 24 degrees  - left foot (1 or 2 minutes before noon) right foot (1 or 2 minutes after noon).   The beautiful teases typically had a angle of between 72 to 120 degrees between their feet - left foot (6 -10 minutes before noon) right foot (6-10 minutes after noon.)   Now when I say usually or tended I mean about 8 or 9 times out of ten. Or a correlation of 80-90 percent with the personality type. Now for those of you who know anything about correlation that is pretty high. That means you could make predictions about personality types and be right 8 or 9 times out of ten.   Interesting...   Does that mean everyone with straight feet are "love girls"? No. It doesn't. No more than if I said college professors all tend to have a high IQ, would it mean that everyone with a high IQ was a college professor. Love Girls are just a small subset of people with straight feet.   What it means is that people with straight feet have little or no fear. Thus you will find them doing all kinds of things that exhibit little fear. They might be the kind of people that start their own business, or work on commission, or take other job or career risks that others might be to afraid to do. They might be the kind of people that will talk to anyone, share their real thoughts and opinions easily,  and say all kinds of personal things that others would be afraid to say out of embarrassment.   It could mean however, that if a girl with straight feet ever gets herself in a position where she is terribly horny, without a boyfriend, and the only thing she can think of is going to a bar with the intention of picking up some guy to get laid, well then she would most likely go about it like a "Love Girl" and NOT like a "Beautiful tease" or "Gradient Girl."   But be careful how you interpret these things or it could get you in trouble.   Remember, feet angles give you the relative amount of fear. That is all we know for sure. Everything else is a correlation.   So let's talk about fear for a second. There is situationally appropriate fear and generalized fear. Everyone - all personality types - should have situationally appropriate fear. So we all might feel some fear walking down some bad street with gangsters and hoodlums all around us late at night. We all might feel some fear trusting our life to some doctor performing an operation where only 50% of the people survive.   It is generalized fear - non situationally appropriate fear - that tells us more about personality type. Being shy and afraid to talk to women is a form of fear. Being afraid to talk to a bunch of people in front of a public speaking class is a form of fear. Being afraid to invest one's money in a business venture is a form of fear. Being afraid to leave one's nine to five job security to start your own business is a form of fear. Being afraid of the dark is a form of fear. Being afraid of the unknown is a form of fear. Being afraid of what your friends might think about something you say or do is a form of fear. Being afraid of looking ridiculous in front of your friends is a form of fear.   It is these generalized fears and non-situationally appropriate fears that determine personality type.   You see the "Love Girl" is confident and fearless. She isn't afraid of men, so when she wants to get laid she walks into a bar knowing she's sexy and knowing she can intimidate men. She just looks every man in the eye because she wants a confident fearless man - just like her.   The gradient girl is not as confident and fearless. She is afraid that most of the guys in bars are jerks. So she approaches the situation with that bias. She is not so afraid that she will run away from men who will approach her, but she will banter with them and just say, "No" when it comes to the real "pick up" moment because her fear biases her towards the viewpoint that men in this situation should be feared.   The "beautiful tease" is deathly afraid of men. She is in the bar because she is trying to overcome her fears. She is beautiful and has learned that men will respond to her, so she flirts to get attention and attraction which make her feel good. But as soon as some guy gets really interested, she runs away. She is deathly afraid and can't confront it. It takes a guy who understand this and makes her feel totally safe and in control to seduce her. Such was the technique that I worked out 30 years ago.   So how do we use this "angle of the feet" observation to help you guys with your dating and relating problems.   Well there is one giant maxim that I am going to give you in a moment, but first let me say the way you use this is to make observations for yourself. I'm  not here to give you lessons in personality theory. Just know that there are different personality types that correlate with the "angles between the feet."   Start by observing the angle of your own feet. Then observe the feet of the people that you know and observe similarities and differences in personality. Start out with major differences, Like people with straight feet versus people with very wide feet. See which angles you get along with best.   There is no right or wrong here, or good or bad. There is just compatibility.   So HERE is the GIANT MAXIM. (a truth or basic principle)   MAXIM:1 - You should not get into a relationship with anyone who is more than 2-3 minutes on a clock face or 12- 24 degrees (geometrically) different than your own "angle between the feet."  People who are more than 2-3 minutes or 12-24 degrees different from you are going to have personality types that are too different from you to achieve total compatibility with.   Remember, however, that this is only true 80-90% of the time. There will be exceptions to the rule. WHY? Because people have "façade" or "social" feet angles just like they have "façade" or "social personalities."    For example, people who are in the acting or modeling industry may be trained to walk with their feet totally straight (12 noon.) So you may have a "beautiful tease" that has straight feet because she was trained to walk that way not because she has "no fear!"  Get it.   People have accidents to their legs and feet and back etc. that can change the angle between their feet and give you a false interpretation.  Usually however it is one foot that is out, not both, but I have met people with both out as results of accidents.   MAXIM 2: - If you are in a relationship with someone who has an angle between their feet more than 2-3 minutes on a clock face or 12- 24 degrees (geometrically) different than your own "angle between the feet," and if you get along beautifully, than forget about it. You are probably in that area of the 10-20% exceptions that don't correlate. Ultimately you have to observe the person in front of you and not their feet.   However, if you are having trouble with this person in a relationship, then observe their exact angle and make a point of meeting other people with that angle and talking to them. Talk to your guy friends with a similar angle. There is a personality type here, get to know and understand it. They are different from you. They don't think like you do. So throw all your assumptions out the window and get to know the personality type in front of you.    If you can do that then you will be able to improve the understanding between each other in the relationship. The closer they are in relation to your own "angle between the feet" however, the better chance you have for long term survival of your relationship.   WHY DID I GIVE YOU THIS DATA?   This is one of those observations that took me years to observe and figure out that you can benefit from immediately.   Stick with girls (and guy friends) with similar feet angles and you will find you get along better with them.   Does this mean that we shouldn't have friends with different feet angles? NO it doesn't. It just means for those real close relationships that you can choose - girlfriend, boss, best friend, etc., you would get along better and stand a better chance of achieving a long term successful relationship with someone who is within 2-3 minutes of your own foot angle.   Remember also there are different kinds of relationships. Some buddy or girlfriend you see once a week doesn't have to be as compatible with you as someone you live with or work with every day.  Use this data to qualify those kinds of situations.   Make some observations of your own. Look at your own feet angle. Look at the people that you get along with best. What is their feet angle? Look at the people that you definitely don't like. What is their feet angle? You will discover trends. You might notice that 6 out of 10 people that you really like have feet angles within 2-3 minutes of yours and that 3 out of 10 people that you don't like at all have feet angles within 5-10 minutes from yours.   But feet angle is immediately noticeable. It gives you a quick 80-90% reliable method of sizing up people fast. It also let's you see through facades and "social" personalities as most people don't pay attention to feet and don't try to fake the angle of their feet.   Once you start making observations you can associate with the various feet angles, you will be able to predict people with relative accuracy (80-90% right).   Now as a final note I want to say, "Please don't believe me. Don't assume what I am telling you is true. Go observe for yourself."   Look at all of your friends and relatives. Correlate the angles with their personality types. Go to a busy street corner or a mall and start observing these feet angles.  A simple test or computation is the percent of perfectly straight feet (both pointing to 12 noon). Count the number of people with straight feet out of every 10 that walk by or every 100.   Do it by sexes. Do it by age groups. Do it by races. You will see some interesting things.   Here are some of my observations after 1000s of observations.   In Los Angeles/Beverly Hills where I made most of my observations, on the average:   1-2 men out of 10 have straight feet. 2-4 women out of 10 have straight feet. 8-9 out of 10 children under 8-10 have straight feet.   The above was the same for black, white and brown Americans but oddly 5 out of 10 Chinese Americans have straight feet. (didn't look at sex differences)   In Japan (Tokyo)   7- 8 out of 10 women have straight feet 1-2 out of 10 men have straight feet.   Walking or standing may be different for different people. Walking is a better determination, but how one stands can also be a clue to hidden tendencies if it is greatly different. Flirtation is an interesting subject indeed. We all do it at one time or another, in one way or another. Yet some of us do it better and more effectively than others. What would be better and more effective flirtation? Well let’s look at the definition: “Playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest.” So any flirtation that was more effectively arousing sexual interest would be better flirtation by this definition. Now the problem with flirtation is there is no one way to flirt. As I have mentioned many, many times in my writings, different people have different personalities. What one person would consider “arousing”, another might consider crude, or stupid or childish. So are there any universal types of behavior that might be effective flirtation? Yes, communication as opposed to no communication. (Notice I said communication – not talking. Communication can be non-verbal.) In other words there has to be a communication in order to flirt. That is a universal attribute of flirtation. Successful or effective flirtation would create “attraction.” So a communication designed to create sexual attraction or interest would be effective flirtation, despite personality differences. Now remember, personalities too can vary widely on what is considered “attractive.” If you read my articles on how to meet women in bars and clubs you will remember that in order to create attraction, one type of personality required a direct confident communication said directly to them, whereas another required the opposite, an indirect communication said in their presence but aimed at another. So it can get complicated. But let’s talk about what works most of the time in normal everyday situations – not bars and clubs. 1) Smile. Definitely a flirt and usually received as such by most people. 2) Look her in the eyes, without flinching and looking away. (Followed by a “smile” is definitely a top flirt.) 3) Talk to her. Find an obvious excuse to talk to her. “Excuse me, do you know what time it is?” Or “Do you know where there is a bookstore around here?” Doesn’t matter what you say. If you do one and two above then approach and talk to her, she will know you are flirting. And it is a better flirt if you just suggest interest. Telling her how hot she is can be an effective flirt for some women, but will blow a lot of really hot women away. Keep it suggestive, you will do better in the long run. 4) Find an excuse to move in close. (Make sure you smell good when you do.) Hold it for a brief moment or two then back away again. Closeness suggests intimacy. Use it sparingly when you can. 5) Find an excuse to touch her lightly now and again. Touch her arm, her elbow, her hand. Don’t be feely, grabby – just a light touch then retreat. Again this is a form of closeness that suggests intimacy. 6) Don’t overstay your welcome. Make your flirts short and sweet. Move in, flirt. Leave and do something else. Come back and flirt again. Leave, come back. Keep this sort of cycle going. This kind of flirtation is best done with people you can see again. This won’t work on a woman walking down the street that you won’t ever see again. That would require a different type of flirt strategy and you would have to get her number or something for it to be successful. 7) Now as you get to know her in the steps above, you can extend your “drop ins” and talk a little. Be real, compliment her personality or her taste in clothes, or non-sexual parts of her body (for example, her eyes or hands). Don’t be blatantly sexual. Most of all listen to what she has to say. Play off of that. Flirtation is all about her – not about you. So don’t start bragging and talking about yourself. Now if you do these things you will create a little sexual excitement on the part of most women. I would say about sixty percent of women would respond to the above in a positive way in a normal situation. (Not a bar or club or walking down the street.) What about the other forty percent? Well that requires about fifteen other strategies. Things like “negative sex talk”, ignoring them, being close and ignoring them, paying attention to another woman, being cocky and funny, “positive sex talk”, being super romantic, talking dirty, being shy, etc. Things I talk about elsewhere….. Mr. L. Rx

Category:

Question: How do I approach Women?

Answer:Last week one of my friends asked a question that I thought was worth discussing. He asked me how to overcome fears that pop up sometimes when we approach women for the first time or even the hundredth time – fears we get even when things are going good.

The truth is it is not an easy question to answer as it varies from person to person. There are literally entire books that have been written on that subject alone. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears usually involves lowering the gradient.

What are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will fail. If you keep trying it over and over you will start building up a “complex” about failing, and soon not try anymore.

If you try to jump up five or six steps on your first try, it will also be scary – not necessarily impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.

The right approach is to take the first step and then advance, one step at a time. It is the most comfortable way to climb a ladder.

Here are some examples of how I apply that to overcome fears that pop up in approaching women for the first time or one hundredth time.

As most guys do, I often go out to approach women in a social setting. This can be especially scary. So when I am approaching a beautiful woman in a social setting, rather than telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am attracted to her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and simply say, “Hi.” If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will find a way to continue the conversation. If she doesn’t then I know she is not interested in me and the simple “Hi” just appears that I am friendly, not necessarily even flirting, so I don’t feel shot down in front of other people.

If I am starting to date a girl and I feel fearful about approaching her on taking the next step of getting intimate with her, I don’t ask her, “Do you want to get intimate?” I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to relax, get cozy, and just watch TV at my house. If she doesn’t want to get intimate she certainly won’t want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my house. Or rather than trying to suddenly “kiss her”, I will simply hold her hand or give her light touches every now and again to see how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.

Sometimes when I am fearful of confronting a woman about making a move, I even use “multiple choice” as a test of gradients. When planning a date and fearful to approach her directly on the subject of coming over to my house, I might say, “Do you want to (a) go to a movie? (b) go out to dinner? (c) meet up with our friends at the party? or (d) stay home and watch TV and cuddle?

That way I don’t feel rejected if she doesn’t choose (d) as I didn’t directly suggest that we had to do that. But if she does select (d) I know she is ready to take it to the next level.

These are some examples. When you feel uncomfortable and fearful whether approaching a women for the first time or someone you are dating, on a subject matter you are uncomfortable with, just try to think of a lower gradient that isn’t as scary and allows you to make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will learn how to approach women and how to relate to them very quickly.

Mr. L. Rx

NOTE: If you would like more in depth and organized information on how to meet, attract, and have a relationship with women consider the book How I Got 700 Dates In One Year, Dating To Relating – From A To Z, or any of the other books by Mr. L. Rx.

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  • A special instantly downloadable report to get you to JUMP START your love life. Don't sit around the house wondering when you will ever date again when within hours you can get started meeting and dating 100s of women in the coming year. Mr. L. Rx has done it and still does it, and he will show you HOW! In this concise, downloadable, easy to read and easy to implement report you will learn: -- TWO separate proven TECHNIQUES for generating 100's of dates a year -- TECHNIQUES that are FAST, and SIMPLE to learn, and that you can START implementing them IN A COUPLE OF HOURS from now. That's right in just a few hours from now you can be on your way to generating 100's of dates a year. It is that POWERFUL. So powerful, that I'LL guarantee it. If you try my techniques and they don't work for you. I'll give you your money back NO QUESTIONS ASKED -- TECHNIQUES that don't require you to have any understanding of women at all. You can be shy, UGLY, and a geek and they will work. IN FACT these TECHNIQUES will not only get you 100's of dates, but the sheer experience of going out on 100s of dates will give you a better understanding of women than anything you could ever read in a book--anything that I or any other GURU could ever say to you. -- This REPORT is GUARANTEED to change your love life. That is why I wrote it. There is NO reason for you guys to wait for the release of DATING TO RELATING the book for you guys to start benefitting from my knowledge.
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  • $2,000.00

    Receive one on one dating and relationship advice directly from Mr. L. Rx. Please add your name, email, and message clearly describing the issues you…

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